Fearless

There was a time when I was a fearless writer.  It's funny because it seems so long ago.  In high school, I was the editor of my high school newspaper.  I took my job so seriously.  One of the editorials I wrote in my local newspaper at the time was so controversial, we had a brick thrown at our beautiful picture window.  It smashed the window and made almost a Spiderman imprint on it.  At the time, I remember thinking, "Wow, I'm so edgy.  I've arrived."  My parents did not have the same opinion.  They were extremely mad.  I was amazed because I thought I even soft-pedaled the piece.

When I was senior in high school, Governor Mario Cuomo came to town.  I muscled my way into a press conference to interview him for my high school newspaper.  Who did I think I was?  I didn't care.  I was on such a high in that press conference room.  I was standing side by side by major journalists in our area.  One even asked me to go for a drink after the press conference.  I said "no" in a very demure fashion.  There was no way I was going to out myself as a 17 year old.

In college, I was more of a Barbara Walters type of journalist.  Again, I was the editor of our college newspaper.  I stayed up all night editing our newspaper.  I would even drive through the night to bring the paper to our printer; which was close to an hour away from campus.  I was the one who interviewed the famous people that came to campus.  I had such a blast interviewing these celebrities.  Again, no fear.  I pushed and pushed to get close to them, get the credentials and get the interviews, I was the first in line and always got the interview.  It was a thrill to introduce my parents to Chubby Checker.  And, even though I was appalled at some of the invitations I got while interviewing certain 'gentleman', I remember fondly how I reminded them that they had wives, girlfriends or children back home.  I did my homework ahead of time.  No one was fooling me.  Fearless.

Fast forward to the present.  It took me 3 months to start this blog. Why? Because I have not written in a long time.  I was, quite frankly, scared to put words on the page.  It amazes me because I identified myself as a writer for so long.  It is my passion and I tell that to my students.  But, why the stage fright?

I think it may be because I teach writing now.  I have gotten far too technical and am afraid to expose myself so much to the public.  Before, I had nothing to lose.  Now, I am older and fear that I have everything to lose.  Ah, such is life, right?

I have to write.  It is my goal to reclaim part of myself that I have kept silent for so long.  So, here we go.  I have just purchased a book that includes over 800 prompts.  I am going to let this book lead me into writing again.  I am very excited, yet scared at the same time. I am channeling my 17 year old self.  She never let fear stop her, and neither will I.

Here we go....