Compartments

I was thinking of the movie, Dirty Dancing the other day.  My favorite line from that movie is when Johnny Castle says, "Nobody puts Baby in the corner".  OK, so no one puts Baby in the corner, but does he put her in a compartment?

Before you think I am some weird person who advocates for putting women in boxes, let me clarify.  Compartmentalization has been on my mind as of late.  More specifically, how do we compartmentalize our lives?  I think that most of us share information with each other using compartmentalized thinking.

For example, I have a friend I like to consider my aggression-friendly zone.  With her, I can rant and rave and call her every name in the book.  And, get this... it's OK.  More than OK, she gives it right back to me.  We laugh like crazy when we make these remarks because they are just so downright evil.  However, neither one of us is offended.  Interesting!

My brother has a similar compartment.  He is the one with which I can share a perverse sense of humor.  Again, I call him the most vicious of monikers and he does the same to me.  We share a love for slapstick and bawdy humor.  I almost blew a gasket laughing when I watched Superbad with him for the first time.  We also talk music and share a deep love of Bruce Springsteen.

With my sister, it is fine to talk about motherhood and career ventures.  She is a great listener and provides solid advice when it comes to workplace issues and work/family balance.  However, discussing Horrible Bosses or another crazy movie would not be in her wheel house.  She is pretty proper and would shun those hilarious, yet disgusting jokes.

I usually play within my boundaries.  I have unconsciously assigned compartments to pretty much everyone in my life.  I am very open, yet I stick to safe topics with people just to make my life easier.  However, sometimes I like to break free of these conventions and go out of my comfort zone.

As I said before, I am an open person---perhaps to a fault sometimes.  Now, I am not the TMI (too much information) person that shares uncomfortable and inappropriate information with people.  I am more of the unguarded sort who will tell you things that guarded folks would call "private".  I share this information at times to gather more research and get perspectives on life concerning issues I find perplexing.

So, I went out of my comfort zone the other day and talked to someone outside of the compartment in which I put them.  I shared information about my son that I do not usually share with people who are not close to me.  Here was the situation:  I had a terrible day with my son.  Days off of school are usually pretty difficult for my little guy because he has autism.  He is far more comfortable and relieved when he has a rigid schedule to follow.  So, without a schedule, life can be a little chaotic.  Ironic, huh?  Most people are tearing their hair out because of their busy schedules.

Anyway, on that day, I headed to a meeting for work and my nerves were raw from some epic meltdowns my son had earlier in the morning.  I was not my normal, cheery self.  I arrived as a tattered soul to that meeting.  One of my colleagues looked at me and said, "Are you OK?".

My response was not typical.  Usually, I would say "Oh, I'm just fine" and go about my masquerade.  But that day, I talked.  Compartments, be damned!  Or, maybe I was just too tired to put up the walls.  I said exactly what was on my mind to someone I don't know very well.  I replied, "My son has autism and we had a really tough morning.  I am just so tired".  The meeting began quickly after I unpacked that statement.  There was no time for my colleague to respond to such a declaration.

All through the meeting, I was ruminating---why did I say that to her?  What the hell was I thinking?  I don't need to share that much.  My TMI was pretty much all I could think about throughout the meeting.

After the meeting, my colleague said to me, "Let's go to lunch".  My first reaction was, I don't want pity.  However, she grabbed my hands and said "My son has autism, too.  I have some resources that you might find helpful and I'd love the opportunity to talk with you."  WOW!  I couldn't believe my ears.  No pity, no judgment,  Just complete understanding.

So, with that story I leave you this thought.  Break out of that compartmentalized thinking.  Share information you think might be private or not interesting to the person.

I agree that sharing is a risk.  You may find that you share outside of the compartment and get smacked in the face with some sort of unpleasantness. However, I think that the benefits far outweigh the risks and it may give people a chance to surprise you, or even better, help you.